It seems that 2012 has come to a close, and we seem to still be alive.  There, are you happy? I made an apocalypse joke.  I was sick of those stupid jokes months before this “end of days” even happened, and now that it is a complete dud, like most people thought, maybe people will shut up with the dumb jokes.  Anyways, it’s been a pretty good year for film, and there were some pretty serious records broken.  The Avengers broke the record for the best box-office opening weekend ever, with more than $200 million in one weekend.  However, the record for the WORST box-office opening weekend also happened this year, with the epic-failure known as the Oogieloves, which had an opening weekend of only $448,000 dollars.  When it comes to quality, though, box-office numbers don’t mean anything.  A good movie can make little-to-no money, and a terrible movie can make tons of money.  There’s your moral film lesson for today.  Now here’s my top and bottom 5 movies of the year.  Yes, that’s my transition, deal with it.

Bottom 5:

5.   John Carter:  A movie that was in development for over eighty years, John Carter was a combination of bland, boring characters, poor acting, and a overcomplicated but somehow also predictable plot.  The screenplay is based off of a book from the early 1910’s, which I guess explains the improbable logic (breathing and high jumping on the surface of Mars) and clichéd plot (the aliens claim they will never fly, and end up flying at the end of the movie).  The only thing I liked was the clever action, but if that’s the only thing this movie has to offer, I’d rather watch Expendables 2.

4.   Dark Shadows:  Slowly but surely I’m becoming less and less of a fan of Tim Burton’s movies.  It seems like all he ever does are remakes and adaptations, and their never any good (except for Batman, which is awesome).  Can’t we go back to the original Tim Burton, the one who directed Nightmare Before Christmas and Ed Wood?  Dark Shadows is the definition of uninspired , boring, and all-out confused.  You never fully understand what the movie is trying to be: a comedy, a drama, an action movie, or a serious piece.  None of these aspects are done correctly, and it leaves the audience both confused and bored.  It was an overall dreary experience.

3.   Ice Age: Continental Drift:  I hate it when people dismiss children’s movies like there “unfit” to be seen by adults, as if their only to shut their kids up for a while.  Kids movies are movies o, and deserve to be given thought and care.  Not thought or care was put into this film.  As generic as they come, this movie panders to kids rather than trying to teach them something, or make them thin k a little bit.  The movie is full of bad puns, annoying and bad-role model characters, and overall pointlessness, which many kids movies today have.  There are plenty of better ones out there; rent Incredibles or Kung Fu Panda 2 for a much better experience than this.

2.   The Bourne Legacy:  More like the Boring Legacy!  I apologize for my bad humor.  This film was lazy, taking a dull action film and slapping the Bourne name on it to make a quick buck.  The movie also suffered from an annoying female protagonist (Rachel Wiesz) and an overall poor plot and uninteresting characters.  The film doesn’t even redeem itself with action, as there is only one, poorly shot, overly ridiculous action sequence.  Plus, Jeremy Renner tackles a wolf in this movie.  For really no reason.  Pointless.

1.   The Three Stooges:  This is not my kind of movie.  I hate slapstick, and I sat in the theatre and scowled at the screen while I watched it.  To me, this kind of slapstick is uninspired and lazy, and nowhere near funny.  And in a movie like this, if you don’t like the comedy, the plot and characters aren’t going to suck you in.  It was a miserable experience for me.

Top 5:

5.   The Avengers:  You know how I said that box-office numbers don’t always mean quality?  Well I guess we got lucky with this one, because what has now become the third highest grossing film of all time is a very solid and very fun action movie.  What set this film apart from most generic summer action films was the relationships between the characters, and how strongly their own personalities shown through the film.  All of the characters in the movie, except Hawkeye who only had a cameo in Thor, had previous movies to establish their personalities and fighting styles, so that by the time we get to Avengers, the film can focus on how their personalities work off one another.  That combined with some fun and energetic action and good acting made for a very enjoyable film.  It’s no Citizen Kane, but it’s worth seeing.

4.   Chronicle:  I wouldn’t call myself a fan of found footage movies, I didn’t like Cloverfield or Bliar Witch at all.  I just find that I can’t get into a movie where the characters know they are being filmed, and there are a lot of fourth-wall stuff and shaky-cam.  Chronicle is an exception to this rule of mine, and it is one of the more underrated movies of the year.  Centering around three teens who gain telekinetic powers from a mysterious rock they find underground, the movie is more of a character study of the main character Andrew than it is a superhero movie.  It delves into the child’s troubled mind, and we see the pain he endures every day, be it through abusive parenting or a bad social life.  The intelligence that this movie brings seems to be lost from current cinema, and I was so happy to see a movie so captivating on the big screen.  I highly recommend it.

3.   The Dark Knight Rises:  Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy is probably the most highly received series of superhero movies ever made.  The Dark knight is probably my personal favorite movie ever made, with its dark characters, and probably greatest villain role ever played (R.I.P Heath Ledger).  This conclusion to the Dark Knight trilogy was, though not as good as the other two, still an intense and darkly entertaining film.  While many complain of tons of plot holes and continuity errors, I don’t think either one of those detracts from the interesting characters, plot, and especially the villain.

2.   Django Unchained:  Whether you love or hate the movies of Quentin Tarantino, I find it difficult to imagine that anyone could deny that he has style.  His filming style seems to inspire awe, and he can get away with putting really whatever he wants to on screen.  You know how they say a good singer could sing the phone book?  If Tarantino were to film a new movie called Yellow Pages, you’d bet I would still see it.  If anyone could do it, he could.  Django Unchained is the pinnacle of the Tarantino formula, if it were placed in the middle of a western.  The sheer brutal violence combined with the fantastic acting, writing, direction, effects, and beautifully shot atmosphere elevates this movie above other films of Tarantino.

1.   Skyfall:  As much as I love the James Bond franchise, I can’t deny that many of the films sort of blend together.  Does anyone really remember what happened in every single Bond film and remember the villains too?  I doubt it, as I’ve only seen about 10 Bond movies, and I can’t remember the plots to all of them.  Skyfall finally breaks the tired mold that the past movies have set, and revitalizes the Bond franchise as it has never seen.  How it changes so much and yet keeps true to the source material of the past films has to be seen to be believed, and trust me, it is very worth seeing.